Have you ever felt like you’ve failed? Especially at life? A few weeks ago I had this overcoming feeling that I had failed at what I “should be”
doing in life and what it “should” look like. I felt like I wasn’t making a
difference. I’m 28 years old, married to my wonderful husband of 10 months,
graduated college 7 years ago with a Bachelors and two Associates degrees, and
am currently a church secretary. In those 7 years after graduation I had one
job that was in my career choice and it lasted for about one and a half years.
I wasn’t fired, I chose to leave for various reasons. My college hammered into
us that we needed to climb the ladder in our field. We needed to do all that we
could to further ourselves. I saw students dropping out of one club in order to
be in another one that would get them “connected” and give them experience in
their field. I have seen classmates post on facebook and Instagram about their
jobs in our field and to be honest, I have often thought about unfriending them
because of this, but that wouldn't make me feel any better.
When I graduated, however, I started working with the campus
ministry as a semester missionary. I did that for two and a half years and then
worked at a wine store (the job in my field). Which after about a year and I
half I left. I started working as my church’s secretary and married my husband
after a year and a half into that job and then moved to the south where I am a
church secretary again. Mind you, during all of this I continued to bake on the
side, trying to keep up what I had learned in school. It wasn’t that I didn’t
look for a job in my field it’s that there a limited amount of jobs where I
lived.
While at school I tried to join clubs that would put me in
the right direction but climbing the ladder was never appealing to me. I
started to become more involved in my campus ministry and that’s where I grew
the most in all areas of my life. I met some of my best friends, I had a huge
family through my church, I got to travel to Russia and China, and people who
cared about me invested their time in me. I was also pouring into the
generations that were coming behind me. I felt useful and needed. I felt like I
belonged. I was happy and had something better to live for that just going to
work everyday and trying to get ahead. I had all of eternity with Christ to
live for.
I told my husband about how I was feeling and he helped to
remind me of a few things. If I had not gone to school where I did I would
never have met my friends, I would never have found the church I did, I would
never have met him! “Just think of all the good that came out of you being
there, what you learned and the people you met. Plus I benefit from your degree
every day 😊”
That’s basically what he said to me. He was right and I had totally forgot. I
have often looked at the reason I went to school where I did was because of God
and His plans for my life. Because let’s be honest, I would not have chosen to
go to Rhode Island of all places if I had not been accepted to school.
Yes, according to the world’s standards I may be failing at
life and am not where I should be. But why am I measuring myself against the
world’s standards. We are told in Isaiah 40:6-8 that “The grass withers, the
flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.” This world is
temporary. I am temporary. Everything has its time and passes away and so will
this world. If I am living to the world’s standards then what do I have at the
end of the day? I would never be satisfied. If I live by God’s standards,
strive to be more like Christ every day, let His word be my guide, love my
husband like I am commanded in Ephesians, and live as Titus 2 commands women,
then my life is not wasted but satisfying. I am a vessel that God is using,
even in the most minuscule ways, in this world for His glory. That is not a
failed life and I need to remind myself of that daily. I need to remind myself
of the gospel and what the Lord has already done in me and my life. I must
remember to live for him daily and not myself.
