Death of a loved one :(

Loosing a loved one is never a fun thing including when it is one of your pets. As many of you know I have two English Golden Retrievers. We have had them ever since they were puppies. One of them is 16 (Hovis) and the other is 13. The 16 year old has had many surgeries, broken legs and infections but has managed to last for 16 years. She almost died 4 years ago when we were in Stuttgart. The vet told us that if we had waited a few more days to bring her in she would have died of an infection in her uterus. She has slowly been getting worse and worse ever since 2004. She had arthritis in her back legs, especially on the left side and battled infections. On my trip back home my mum told us that she was not doing well and that they discovered a cyst in her throat so she was eating canned food.

I was the only one home on Wednesday and since my friend was coming the next day I was meant to clean the bathrooms. I cleaned one and then went outside to get rid of the stinging nettles because I didn't want her little girl falling in them when she came. As I was going outside Hovis went outside as well and she was breathing a little funny and heavy so I kept an eye on her. I gave her some water which she drank but then she dumped it over as she moved to a different spot. After  couple of hours she still sounded bad but she wouldn't drink any water, so I sat with her trying to pour water on her tongue. I called my mum around 4:30 to let her know and to reminder about going to the commissary. She asked me to come to the base to pick up the groceries and my siblings since she had to work that evening. I must have left around 5pm and got home around 6:30pm. I told my brother he had to pick up the dog poop outside. The next thing I know he's calling me into the back room to tell me that Hovis is dead. I check and she was. She already had flies on her. I was balling...couldn't get a hold of my mum so I had to call me sister to run to her work and tell her. My dad called later (who is in Iraq) and asked how things were, I told him about Hovis and he started crying (she was practically his dog). When my mum got home that night we started digging the hole in the back yard and since it started thundering and lightning we had to stop and finish it the next day. My brother kept his head on during the whole thing and didn't cry, which is a good thing because it was only me, my sister with the broken leg and my brother home at the time. The worst thing though is that she was alive when I left at 5 and dead when I got home. I felt terrible. I know there wasn't anything I could have done, but if I had just sat there with her longer instead of worrying about the weeds.
Hunter (13 years old) is having a hard time adjusting. He has always known Hovis being there. This morning our neighbor found him across the street looking into the butchers glass window, wagging his tail, staring at his reflection. My mum thinks that maybe he thought his reflection was Hovis. He locked the back gate this time and when I went out later I found him trying to get out again to go and look for her. He hasn't quite grasped the fact that she's not coming back. Not only is it going to be hard on him but it's also going to be hard on all of us. Hovis picked us. as her family, we didn't pick her. When we went to pick out a puppy, we all got out the car and all the puppies came running up. They then turned right back around and ran back. Hovis was the one sitting by my dad's feet looking up at him. It's funny how even though pets can't talk back to you and they have to soul, they can become part of the family.